When talking about depression, most people conjure up images of sadness, despair, and hopelessness. This is often the case, but it does not do justice to the full range of emotions provoked by this mental health condition. For example, a major chunk of folks struggling with depression also struggles with debilitating shame. It’s even earned its moniker of “depression shame.”
A profound discomfort and guilt can be experienced when you feel you’re not doing what you should/need/want to do. This can set off a vicious cycle of depression causing shame, and shame causing more depression — and so on.
Why Do People With Depression Feel So Much Shame?
Consider just some of the most common signs and symptoms of depression:
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Fatigue and exhaustion
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Social withdrawal
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Feeling useless, numb, and worthless
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Easily overwhelmed and agitated
All of this can make it challenging to set goals and follow through on plans. You find yourself falling behind at school or work. A sedentary life and binge eating cause weight gain and physical de-conditioning. As time passes, you lose motivation even to try catching up as you become more susceptible to self-harming behaviors. Shame piles on top of shame, but you can break the cycle.
How to Free Yourself From Shame & Help Alleviate Depression
Reframe How You View Depression
For starters, accept the reality that depression is a medical condition just like any other. It is not about blame or weakness. You wouldn’t judge someone with, say, Lyme Disease as lazy, right? Reject the stigma and get in touch with professionals who can help you recover.
Another form of reframing depression is to challenge the lies it tells you. If your inner critic tells you you are worthless, that doesn’t mean it’s true. Check the evidence. Talk back. Find examples of positivity in your life. Start talking to yourself as you would talk to a loved one who is having a tough time.
Be Patient
Recapturing positive momentum will take some time and effort. So, you can begin by breaking tasks down into smaller steps. Aim to complete these mini-steps and celebrate when you do. Physically write out the steps so you can proudly cross them off as you progress. Little by little, you are adding evidence to help you counter depression’s lies (see above).
Shift Your Expectations
No one would expect you to run as fast if you’ve hurt your ankle. So, cut yourself some slack. Recognize that you will temporarily be less productive until you’ve moved toward healing the depressive disorder.
Lean on Your Support System
Studies show — time and time again — how powerful sincere encouragement can be. In a state of shame, it can feel daunting to ask for help. So first, choose someone you really trust. Talk about your goals and the difficulty you’ve experienced when trying to attain them. The loved ones in your life can offer guidance. Also, they can remind you of all you’ve previously achieved. This will fortify your ability to stave off the paralyzing feelings of shame.
Talk to a Therapist
The ultimate confidant will be a mental health professional. They understand that depression eats away at one’s motivation and pushes you to a place of inertia. An experienced therapist can assist you in taking the incremental steps you need to take as you simultaneously address the shame and the underlying condition of depression.
Your weekly sessions can serve as a workshop of sorts. You try out new perspectives and new approaches — under the watchful eye of a skilled guide. If “depression shame” has you feeling stifled, I urge you to reach out to get the support you need and deserve through depression treatment.
