Watching your child struggle with self-esteem can bring up a range of emotions: concern, helplessness, even frustration. As a parent or caregiver, you want your child to feel good about who they are and to approach life with a sense of confidence and self-worth. But for many children, especially those who experience anxiety, self-esteem can feel shaky, easily disrupted by fear of failure, social worries, or perfectionistic thinking.
Whether your child is comparing themselves to others, anxious about school, struggling to navigate friendships, or feeling unsure of who they are, know that you’re not alone—and that support is possible. Here are some everyday ways to nurture your child’s self-esteem and emotional resilience, especially when anxiety is part of the picture.
Notice and Name Their Strengths—Even the Subtle Ones
Children with anxiety often focus on what they think they’re doing “wrong” or how they’re falling short. That’s why recognizing and naming your child’s strengths—especially the quieter, internal ones—is so important. Maybe your child is thoughtful, persistent, imaginative, or especially kind to others. These qualities might not be rewarded on a report card, but they are just as meaningful.
Try to point out these everyday strengths in specific ways:
“You really stayed with that puzzle, even when it was frustrating.”
“I noticed how patient you were with your sister today.”
This helps your child internalize a more balanced view of themselves—something that can be especially grounding when anxiety pulls their attention toward self-doubt.
Be the Example They Look To
Children are always learning, not just from what we say, but from what we model. If your child sees you handle mistakes with self-compassion, talk about your feelings openly, or take a break when you’re overwhelmed, they learn that it’s okay to have tough moments—and that it’s safe to ask for support.
This is particularly helpful for children with anxiety, who may assume they always need to have it all together. Modeling emotional flexibility shows them that being human is okay—and that they’re still worthy of love even when things are hard.
Support Them Through Setbacks
Children with anxiety often fear making mistakes or letting others down. So, when they hit a setback—like doing poorly on a test, having a friendship issue, or not making the team—it can feel overwhelming. Your support in these moments matters deeply.
Help your child reflect on what happened and remind them that one moment doesn’t define their worth. Encourage them to focus on effort, not just outcomes. This helps reduce the anxiety that can come from perfectionism or fear of failure—and fosters a more resilient, compassionate self-image.
Encourage Autonomy Through Everyday Choices
Children with anxiety often feel a lack of control in their world. Giving them small, age-appropriate opportunities to make choices helps build confidence and a sense of agency.
Let them choose between outfits, decide how to organize their after-school routine, or weigh in on family plans. These choices may seem minor, but they can significantly support your child’s belief in their ability to handle life—one step at a time.
Break Goals into Manageable Steps
Big tasks can feel overwhelming—especially for children with anxiety who may worry about getting it “right” or being judged. Help your child break goals into smaller, achievable steps. If they want to improve in reading or make a new friend, start small and celebrate each effort.
These experiences offer positive reinforcement and remind your child that growth is possible—even when it feels scary at first.
Foster Self-Acceptance Through Unconditional Support
Children with anxiety often hold themselves to high standards and may fear that love or approval is conditional. They might think, “If I mess up, people won’t like me,” or “I have to be perfect to be okay.”
Remind your child—through words and actions—that they are deeply loved and accepted for who they are, not just for how they perform. Saying things like, “I didn’t love the choice you made, but I love you no matter what,” helps them separate behavior from identity, which is key for both self-esteem and reducing anxiety-driven shame.
Be Mindful of Outside Influences
Children today are bombarded with messages from social media, TV, peers, and school. For children with anxiety, these messages can easily become internalized in ways that feed insecurity: “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t fit in,” or “I need to be perfect.”
Keep communication open. Ask what they’re hearing and how they feel about it. Listening without judgment can help your child develop a more grounded sense of self—and less reliance on external validation.
When to Consider Therapy for Child Anxiety and Low Self-Esteem
Sometimes, low self-esteem and anxiety go hand in hand, and when that combination starts to affect your child’s daily life, school experience, friendships, or mood, therapy can help.
An anxiety therapist can support your child in identifying thought patterns that contribute to worry or self-doubt, and in developing new tools to cope, build confidence, and feel more emotionally secure. Therapy can also offer a supportive space for you as a parent to better understand your child’s needs and how to respond with clarity and compassion.
At Mindful Mental and Behavioral Health PLLC, we work with children and families throughout Oregon and Washington, offering therapy that’s warm, strengths-based, and tailored to each child’s needs. Whether your child is struggling with anxiety, low self-esteem, or both, our goal is to help them feel capable, connected, and more at ease in who they are.
You’re Not Alone in This
Parenting a child with anxiety can feel like walking a tightrope—you want to help without hovering, encourage without pressuring. But even reading this blog is a sign that you care deeply about your child’s well-being.
If you’re wondering whether therapy could support your child’s self-esteem or anxiety, we’re here to help. Learn more about child and teen therapy at Mindful Mental and Behavioral Health PLLC and connect with a therapist who understands what your family is navigating. Follow the steps below to get started:
- Reach out to us here or schedule an appointment.
- Learn more about anxiety management techniques by exploring our blogs.
- Connect with a compassionate therapist who can help your family flourish.
Other Services We Offer for Children, Teens & Adults in Portland, OR
At our Portland office, we understand that anxiety isn’t the only challenge you might be facing. That’s why we offer a variety of supportive services—including therapy for depression, bipolar disorder, trauma, and more. Our team of mental health professionals creates a safe, nonjudgmental space where you can explore what you’re going through and find tools that work for you. If medication is part of your journey, our providers also offer thoughtful, personalized medication management to help you feel more balanced and in control. Whatever you’re navigating, we’re here to walk with you.
