There are certain seasons of life when you become much more aware of what seems to be happening for everyone else. These can usually be seasons where you’re wanting something in your own life, or going through a time where your focus is on a specific aspect that you start to see in other people’s stories.
You might be hoping for something to come to you, wondering what the next few months will look like, or quietly carrying hopes that you haven’t shared with many people yet. Then you open your phone and there it is again: someone else sharing the news you’ve been thinking about in your own life.
You can be happy for them, and it’s also ok if you notice that you suddenly get hit with a wave of emotion or overthinking that interrupts the scroll.
For people who are trying to grow their family, social media can become a complicated place to spend time. What once felt like ordinary updates from friends, family, or people you follow may suddenly feel much more personal. Content you barely noticed before can catch your attention, and once you start engaging with it, your feed seems to find more and more of it for you.
You can see everything from advice, to personal stories, to timelines and recommendations. There can be feedback about what worked for some people, or what they wish they had known alongside success stories and ongoing complications.
Some of it might be useful or make you feel a little bit less alone. Some of it may leave you thinking about things in a way you weren’t a few moments earlier, and that’s worth noticing.
When Your Feed Starts Feeling Surprisingly Personal
Social media has a way of noticing what has our attention. Have you ever started to see content pop up (even from people you don’t even follow) that aligns to what’s been on your mind. Any time you watch a video a little longer, read through the comments on another, or search for an answer to a question you’ve been wondering about your feed may start anticipating that and surfacing content that fits.
When you’re worried about fertility, pregnancy, parenthood, or trying to conceive, that can create a strange experience where something happening privately in your own life suddenly seems to be everywhere. The repetition of content about the topic can make it harder to create space when you need it, especially if you’re searching something positive and suddenly your story took a left turn you didn’t expect while you’re watching other people’s unfold in the way you wish yours went.
You might think about it when you wake up, notice something related to it while scrolling at lunch, and see another update before bed. It doesn’t mean you’re spending too much time online or handling things the wrong way, but when we’re feeling tender it’s a good time to check in with what our window of tolerance may be for certain content.
Sometimes we don’t realize that our phones are giving us a very concentrated version of a subject that already carries a lot of emotion. A concentrated feed also isn’t necessarily a balanced picture of what your own experience will be.
When Information Helps, and When You Keep Looking for More
There are plenty of understandable reasons to look for information while trying to enter into an unknown chapter of your life such as motherhood. Even with medical and mental health professionals dedicated to supporting you, it’s tempting to search the random thought on your mind on social and see hours of reels that you can watch from afar.
Sometimes hearing from someone who’s been through a similar season can help you feel seen, or connected especially on the more personal fronts you wouldn’t bring to friends and family. You may find what you need and move on, but there are times when one post can lead to another question, which leads you down a rabbit hole. It’s in those moments you can begin asking yourself, “what am I truly searching for right now?”
How to check in on what you’re seeking during a scroll
There isn’t necessarily a point when looking for information becomes “too much,” and talking about it isn’t to get you to feel you have to monitor every search you make by any means. In moments when you do notice you’ve been scrolling for a while or have moved pretty far from the question you originally had, a few prompts can help you check in with what you’re hoping to find:
- What did I originally come here looking for? Has that question been answered, or am I searching for something different now?
- Am I looking for information, connection, reassurance, or certainty? Any of those can make sense, but knowing which one you need may help you decide whether scrolling can actually give it to you.
- How do I feel compared with when I started? More informed, understood, hopeful, confused, worried, curious? There’s no “right” answer; it’s simply information about how this particular content is landing today.
- Have I learned something useful to me, or have I mostly found new things to wonder about? Sometimes more information brings clarity. Other times, it can keep expanding the number of questions on your mind.
- Is this a question the people on my feed can actually answer for me? Someone else’s experience can be meaningful without necessarily telling you what will happen in your own.
- What would feel supportive right now if I closed the app? Maybe you want to write down a question for your provider, text someone you trust, keep watching because the stories are genuinely comforting, or simply move on with your day.
You don’t have to leave every scroll feeling completely reassured. Sometimes there simply isn’t an answer available yet or you realize what you really need is found outside of the phone. The check-in can be less about stopping yourself from searching and more about noticing when you’re still finding something helpful, and when you may be asking the internet to give you a kind of certainty it can’t really provide.
Other People’s Timing Can Bring Up Your Own
Someone else’s good news can touch something tender without taking away from your happiness for them. It’s common to see an update such as a pregnancy announcement, newborn photoshoot, or first birthday party celebration recap and think things like:
- I wonder when that will be me.
- They were just talking about trying. How is their baby already here?
- I thought I’d be in a different place by now.
- What would my life look like if that happened for us this year?
- I’m so happy for them. I just wish I had my own news to share, too.
- It feels like everyone around me is entering this chapter at once.
- I didn’t expect seeing that to hit me the way it did.
- I wonder how long I’ll be waiting.
Naturally, this type of content can bring out questions you’re having about your own experience that may finally have an avenue to rise to the surface. An update that you normally would have celebrated and moved on from stays with you for the rest of the afternoon.
There doesn’t need to be anything shameful about that reaction, or thinking of yourself in these interactions. We tend to compare ourselves most closely with people whose lives feel similar to ours, whether you know them personally or not. When friends or influencers are around the same age, have been in relationships for a similar amount of time, or once imagined reaching certain milestones together, differences in timing can feel particularly noticeable.
Their timeline still can’t tell you anything definitive about yours, but knowing that intellectually doesn’t always make the waiting easier.
You Get to Be Thoughtful About What You Take In
Protecting your peace online doesn’t have to mean making a dramatic exit from social media or labeling certain content “good” or “bad”. It might be as simple as getting curious about how you’re feeling when you’re engaging with different people, topics, platforms, or even the time of day you tend to feel more activated.
- You’re mostly okay seeing this content during the day, but it hits differently when you’re lying in bed at night and finally have enough quiet for all the thoughts you’ve been carrying to catch up with you.
- It’s actually the happy updates that feel hardest right now. Growing bumps, newborn updates, or nursery decorating might bring your own hopes or timeline closer to the surface.
- Personal stories about difficult experiences make you feel less alone because someone is finally talking about a part of this that people around you don’t seem to understand.
- You feel yourself drawn toward stories that reflect something you’re already worried about, reading the comments or looking for more examples as though knowing every possible version could help you feel more prepared.
- Advice and educational content usually feels supportive until there’s so much of it that you start wondering whether you should be doing, tracking, buying, or asking about things that weren’t on your mind before.
- A certain person’s updates are harder to see than similar posts from strangers, perhaps because you know them personally or once imagined being in this stage of life around the same time.
- Content that felt reassuring last week suddenly doesn’t feel that way today—or something you avoided before is exactly what makes you feel understood now.
The goal isn’t to create the perfectly curated feed where nothing ever brings up a difficult feeling. It’s just to give yourself permission to notice your experience as it changes and decide what you have room for today.
Making Some Room Around the Waiting
When you care deeply about an outcome you can’t completely control, it’s understandable to want something that makes the uncertainty feel smaller. Information can sometimes do that, and so can planning or talking with other people who understand.
At the same time, there may still be stretches when there isn’t anything new to know yet. Those stretches can be especially difficult, and the answer doesn’t have to be convincing yourself not to think about it because that’s harder said than done. There may be value in noticing when the search for certainty is starting to take more from you than it’s giving back.
Your life is still happening alongside the waiting, and when everything you see online is around the topic of family or things that make you come back to what you’re not seeing in your own life, it’s hard to remember there’s anything else out there.
There may be moments when you can turn to conversations or things you enjoy when it feels like you’re flooded. Making room for those parts of life doesn’t mean this matters any less.
A Place for Whatever This Season Brings Up
Trying to grow your family can hold a lot of feelings at once, and they don’t always arrive in ways that make perfect sense. There may be excitement and impatience. Hope alongside worry. Days when you want to talk about it and days when you’d really rather talk about anything else.
Therapy can offer a private place for those feelings without asking you to make them neater than they are. At Mindful Mental and Behavioral Health, we support people navigating anxiety, life changes, and the emotional experiences that can come with growing a family.
You don’t need to wait until this feels overwhelming to talk about it, and you don’t need to approach therapy with a particular goal for how you should feel.
Sometimes it’s simply helpful to have one place where you don’t have to scroll for an answer.
