There seems to be a way to “max” almost everything right now. You may have seen things like sleepmaxxing, healthmaxxing, or moneymaxxing on TikTok or in the news. Basically, it’s playful internet language that describes a way to maximize on something in your life with more focus and intention.
Some of it is a new way to label or refer to things people have always done. We try new routines, want to feel healthier, work toward goals, figure out what makes us feel good, and build habits that make our days run a little more smoothly. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to improve your life in these ways, and honestly, a lot of it can be a motivational tool to look at life through the lens of self-improvement and aligning to what matters most.
However, as with anything in life, there’s a way to go overboard and fast-track burnout. Maxxing culture gives us this interesting window into something that’s been experienced long before the hashtags existed. It’s this feeling that there’s always a better version of yourself to strive for. Again, some of that in healthy doses is great, but it can also bring out underlying feelings of insecurity, not feeling worthy, or never being able to keep up.
And when you’re constantly exposed to ways you could be improving, it can become surprisingly difficult to know when you’re allowed to simply exist for a while. So that’s what we’re talking about here. How do you find the balance? How do you aim for something important without letting the chase become the thrill? How do you confidently go after what you want, without feeling like if you don’t, you’ll fall behind?
Let’s take a look together.
When Self-Improvement Starts to Feel Like a Requirement
Self-improvement can feel exciting. Maybe you finally get to bed earlier and realize you actually do have more energy during the day. Maybe you find a workout that doesn’t make you dread fitness, or try a recipe that makes cooking seem less daunting. Any time you shift your routine and find your rhythm in a way that helps you feel more nourished, educated, strong, intentional, or supportive, it can genuinely feel amazing.
What’s interesting from a mental health perspective is that similar goals can carry very different meanings for different people. For example, “I want to do this because it helps me feel good” is not the same as “I need to do this so I can finally feel good enough”. Looking from the outside, those motivations can seem identical so it’s hard to spot the differences at first.
That internal experience and drive behind self-improvement matters. Here’s a more specific look at the thoughts that can fuel the same change to happen, but feel different in the process of it all:
Being motivated by self-worth might sound like:
- I want to move my body because I like feeling strong and energized
- I’m going to say no because I don’t have the capacity for this right now
- I want to work toward this promotion because I’m excited about what I’m capable of
- I’d like to change some of my habits because I want to feel better in my day-to-day life
- I made a mistake, but I can learn from it without making it mean something about who I am
- I want to put effort into how I look today because it makes me feel good
- This relationship matters to me, but I don’t have to abandon my own needs to keep it
Being motivated by self-criticism might sound like:
- I need to work out because I hate how my body looks right now
- I should say yes. I don’t want them to think I’m selfish or difficult
- I need this promotion to prove that I’m actually successful
- I have to get my habits together. I’ve been so lazy lately
- I can’t believe I messed that up. Why can’t I ever get it right?
- I need to look better before I go out or everyone is going to notice
- I should just give them what they need. I don’t want them to leave
Social Media Gives Us More Ways to Think About Self-Improvement
It’s a weird world where you can follow along for someone’s entire morning routine down to the exact products they use and their plans for making the most of the day to come in a short TikTok. A quick flip through Instagram stories can give you real-time updates on everyone in your life (or your online life) in seconds. Comparison has always been a part of social media, but the rate at which you can consume other people’s lives has only increased it.
That naturally brings more exposure to new ideas for routines, goals, habits, and growth journeys. You can see milestones, celebrations, and transformation pictures in the midst of targeted ads that play off of themes of self-improvement and the idea that something about your life could be better, easier, or more complete with the right change.
A lot of this content is presented as inspiration, and sometimes it genuinely feels that way. You may find community that represents people figuring things out right alongside you in the most comforting way. So, this isn’t to say social media is wrong or necessarily adds to a problem, but instead it’s to build awareness of the ways it may amplify existing thoughts of self-criticism or insecurity.
Sometimes, what seems like motivational content can become a doom scroll if you’re already focused on what you lack, or aren’t doing enough of. Hearing someone’s fitness transformation journey can land completely differently if you’ve been too busy to get to the gym and surviving off of your child’s snacks between errands and social events.
Maxxing culture might create complicated feelings when:
- You watch someone share their 5 a.m. morning routine while you’re exhausted and struggling to get out the door on time
- A glow-up transformation makes you suddenly notice things about your appearance you weren’t thinking about five minutes earlier
- Someone’s Sunday reset leaves you comparing their organized fridge, meal prep, and spotless home to the laundry that’s been sitting on your floor all week
- A career-maxxing post about never wasting your potential makes a slower or less productive season of your life start to feel like falling behind
- A wellness routine with supplements, skincare, workouts, journaling, and perfectly planned meals makes taking care of yourself feel like another thing you’re not doing well enough
- Someone documenting how they completely changed their life in six months has you questioning why your own progress feels slower or less visible
- A video about becoming the best version of yourself leaves you wondering whether the person you are right now is somehow a version you’re supposed to outgrow
Finding Your Own Balance With “Maxxing”
There probably isn’t one perfect way to engage with all of this. You don’t have to stop following wellness accounts, give up your goals, or assume that wanting to improve something means you aren’t accepting yourself as you are.
You might genuinely love this kind of content, and that’s completely fine. Maybe watching someone organize their week gives you an idea that makes yours feel easier. Maybe you discover a workout you actually look forward to, a budgeting strategy that makes sense for the first time, or a morning routine that helps you feel a little more grounded. Sometimes seeing what works for someone else really can help you figure out what might work for you.
The complicated part is that the same content can feel inspiring one day and hit a little differently on another. That’s where you can tune into what works for you, and where you’re coming in as a viewer. It’s normal to have days where you’re seeking out creative ideas and connection, and others where you’re almost looking for people doing more to emphasize limiting beliefs.
Knowing the difference is all about finding your balance and noticing those differences rather than feeling like you need to follow every idea that catches your attention.
Figuring Out What You Actually Want to Take With You
When you’re surrounded by so many ideas about what you could be doing, it can sometimes be hard to tell what you genuinely want from what just sounds like something you should want.
There’s no need to analyze every new goal or question your motivation every time you want to try something. But if you notice that self-improvement is starting to feel heavy, it might be interesting to get curious about what’s underneath it.
You could wonder:
- Would I still want this if I wasn’t seeing other people doing it?
- Does thinking about this make me feel excited, pressured, or maybe a little bit of both?
- Does this actually fit into my life right now?
- What am I hoping will feel different if I reach this goal?
- Am I enjoying the process, or mostly waiting to feel better about myself when I get there?
- What parts of this idea feel like me, and what parts can I leave behind?
Your answers don’t necessarily have to point you toward giving something up. You might realize that yes, you really do want the goal you’re working toward. You might decide to change the way you’re approaching it. Or you might notice that something you thought you should care about really doesn’t matter that much to you after all.
Making room for it all is a great place to stay open and curious.
Sometimes, What You’re Already Doing Is Enough
When there are endless ways to make something “better,” it can be easy to overlook the things that are already working. It’s common to dismiss everything you’re doing when it looks like there’s always an example of someone doing more. That’s where the self-critic can get loud, and it’s worth asking if you really need to do more or if that’s just a habit of wanting to improve kicking in.
Maybe your morning routine isn’t impressive enough to film, but it gets you out the door without feeling completely frazzled and feels like quality time you get with your kids. Maybe you aren’t hitting a new strength milestone every month, but you’ve been loving the walks you get to take with your partner after dinner. Maybe this isn’t the season when you’re chasing the next career goal because something else in your life is taking up more space.
Maxxing culture might give you plenty of ideas for what you could try next, and it’s okay if you’re not even sure when you want to start or how you’ll go about it. It can be interesting to look at posts that feature maximizing areas of life as a Pinterest board where you’re tracking things that light you up, but skipping what can build more pressure to work harder and take away from the way you’re seeing yourself in the moment.
What Would You Still Want If Nobody Was Keeping Score?
Another way to get curious about self-improvement is to imagine taking away the audience for a moment. It may not seem like you’re doing things for other people, but sometimes that can influence things in a big way.
This is a moment of reflection you can take with you, thinking about:
- If nobody could see your progress, what would you still care about?
- Would you still want to exercise in the same way?
- Would you spend your money on the same things?
- Would you want the same career goal?
- Would you care as much about the number on the scale?
- Would your morning routine need to look the same?
- Would you still be working this hard?
There aren’t right answers to these questions, just your truth. You might realize that you genuinely love something you originally discovered because everyone else was doing it. You might realize that recognition is part of what makes a goal exciting for you. You might find that some things matter deeply to you while others have simply become habits you haven’t thought much about.
The point isn’t to strip away outside influence, because we’re all influenced by the people and culture around us. It’s simply interesting to notice where those influences meet your own preferences, values, and ideas about who you want to be.
Therapy Can Give You Space to Figure Out What Matters to You
Therapy isn’t about having someone tell you that you’re trying too hard, setting the wrong goals, or caring too much about self-improvement. It can be a space to understand more about what those things mean to you in the first place.
Maybe you’re curious about where some of your expectations came from, why certain comparisons stick with you more than others, or what you imagine will feel different once you reach a goal you’ve been working toward. You might also be figuring out what success looks like for you now, especially if that definition has changed as your life has.
Our therapists work with people navigating anxiety, perfectionism, self-esteem, life transitions, and all of the feelings that can come up as you figure out what you want for yourself.
Because underneath all of the “maxxing” language is something pretty familiar. Most of us have things we want to work toward while also being surrounded by messages about what we could be doing, changing, achieving, or becoming.
You don’t have to stop wanting more for yourself to appreciate where you are now. You also don’t have to love where you are right now to be worthy of the life you’re building along the way. Sometimes, there’s just value in having a little more space to figure out what feels like you within all of it.
